Unfortunately I’ve had a bit of an extended absence. With only weeks to go, my year of recovery; of healing, of choosing happiness hit an unexpected roadblock with some tragically awful news.
I won’t go into details but what I will talk about is how shockingly easy it was for me to slide straight back into bad habits in a matter of days. The first few days one might argue were due to shock and an inability to process the news. I stopped exercising. I stopped watching what I ate. I started drinking again and for the first time in months I bought a pack of cigarettes.
The first few days rapidly turned into weeks where I was finding excuses to keep drinking, to keep smoking, to keep finding ways to forget and to stop thinking. All the fitness gains I’ve made over an agonisingly slow period may have been lost by this point.
But that was then and this is now. I realise that there is no real excuse for this behaviour. I can’t fall apart every time life delivers another challenge. Mental fortitude is a lifetime effort and honestly, I honour no one’s memory by falling back into bad patterns.
Im under no illusions about my potential completion time in the marathon at this point but the least I can do is take it seriously and resume my training even if I have to walk 42km on the day.
I can’t say I will always make the right choices but I’m awake now and determined to at least try and be better.

